I can't live without you

a journey

let me take you back to the journey that we've been through this couple of years and to clarify it doesn't mean that i beg to come back to you for a relationship but lets be sensitive a little.

from the beginning i never take this relationship not serious because i am always hoping that this could lead somewhere only one mistake i did when you proposed to me and i said i wasn't ready for it (it happened when i'm still a student).

since then this bond between us getting stronger but sometimes you treated me unwell, when you got emotional you tends to say bad words and judging me as someone bad. meanwhile i am still patient even though it hurts sometimes but at the end when you become silent, i am the one who apologized to you (if i think again maybe i'm stupid, but when i look deeper i did it because i love you and i have to understand you).

if i'm someone else, i would be leaving you already. BUT i am not.

i trusted all your sweet words when we were together, for not leaving me and stuff and i still trust those words until today (how stupid am i) when you could changed everything like a blink of an eye, very fast (but not for me).

i tend to be honest to myself (maybe it is a huge mistake), i am not a fan of denial and pretend. BUT i believe this hurts you too, for sure you are stronger than me but for sure it hurts me more than it hurts you.

i try not to complain about anything when i am beside you because i enjoyed everything and i got a simple happiness that i've always wanted. i complained only if i see something that could actually hurts yourself (because i am too much care for you rather than myself).


i know you were happy with me together, and now you are trying to be happy by letting me go and find someone out there. here is the truth: you may try to find someone out there, and i hope that you could have the same happiness like when you were with me, but if you think again why'd you let me go and try to find another which takes time and uncertainty if you can actually be happy with?

so with all my honesty, loyalty, patience, understands, and care i'm worth to fight for, and it isn't my turn to fight for you, but now it is yours.

so this is really not about moving forward. i could be with someone new tomorrow if i wanted to, but it wouldn't be right to lie to myself.

this thing doesn't mean to confuse you or whatever. this is just what i have in mind. and notice: if you keep letting someone go in your life, by the end of the day you will end up alone. and i don't want you to be alone, i wish to be the one who could take care of you but maybe there is another person who is sincere enough to do that.

one thing for sure, i appreciate that you gave me a real happiness like i never had before. as i mentioned in the previous post, i will always be the one who care the most to you everytime you need me.

small letter

I'll do whatever that you want me to do, even though to leave you alone there and let you find another person because I love you so much.

If you think you can be happy with someone over there then i'll just have to support your decision. But the question is "will you really find someone that can actually makes you happy and loves you no matter what?" I somehow doubt that.

I will always be here, be someone that care to you and understand you the most. I will be the same person that you know me, like when we were together in bed. Be as good to you as before.

I shouldn't be the one who cried myself out here, because I know that you are the one who needs a person like me in your life.

I'll give you a space for yourself to exactly feel about your decision, but I also will open my heart for you if one day you want to come back to me for real. BUT when that time comes, I am not gonna let the same person break my heart twice so if you realize that only me who is right to stand beside you, please be sincere.

You can't never compare what I've been through to yours.

This letter is to show how much I love you in my life.

With Love,

Little Dream

maaf

maafkan aku karena terlalu mencintaimu

maafkan aku karena terlalu sayang padamu

maafkan aku karena aku ingin menjagamu

semoga kamu mengerti betapa sakitnya hati ini ketika aku tak mendengarmu mengatakan: "aku cinta kamu" lagi

chaiyo!

I realized something, the thing that was keeping me down these few days isn't entirely about jobs, but also I MISS MY LOVE SO MUCH that's why i sometimes cry alone because i can't express it to the people at home and i can only keep it within myself.

BUT

I have words that i will use to motivate myself:

"even though i miss u like crazy, i still have u in my life and i should be grateful for that"

I hope that sentence can be a way for me to feel happy and better soon.

I love you dear

one day i'm gonna say this to the person that i love eternally

:(

these few days, i've been down, so down that i don't know what to say and what to think anymore..

i feel like nobody understand me, i have want and need but i can't even say it all i can do is just keeping it inside, until at this point i can't take it no more..

why do i have to feel this again, i should have known from the beginning if i be here i will have this feeling again.

i was so happy to be back home before but now i am not even sure that home is the right place for me..


i need you and i love you sayangku, being with u is all i need cause when i'm with you, i feel great and happy..