a journey

let me take you back to the journey that we've been through this couple of years and to clarify it doesn't mean that i beg to come back to you for a relationship but lets be sensitive a little.

from the beginning i never take this relationship not serious because i am always hoping that this could lead somewhere only one mistake i did when you proposed to me and i said i wasn't ready for it (it happened when i'm still a student).

since then this bond between us getting stronger but sometimes you treated me unwell, when you got emotional you tends to say bad words and judging me as someone bad. meanwhile i am still patient even though it hurts sometimes but at the end when you become silent, i am the one who apologized to you (if i think again maybe i'm stupid, but when i look deeper i did it because i love you and i have to understand you).

if i'm someone else, i would be leaving you already. BUT i am not.

i trusted all your sweet words when we were together, for not leaving me and stuff and i still trust those words until today (how stupid am i) when you could changed everything like a blink of an eye, very fast (but not for me).

i tend to be honest to myself (maybe it is a huge mistake), i am not a fan of denial and pretend. BUT i believe this hurts you too, for sure you are stronger than me but for sure it hurts me more than it hurts you.

i try not to complain about anything when i am beside you because i enjoyed everything and i got a simple happiness that i've always wanted. i complained only if i see something that could actually hurts yourself (because i am too much care for you rather than myself).


i know you were happy with me together, and now you are trying to be happy by letting me go and find someone out there. here is the truth: you may try to find someone out there, and i hope that you could have the same happiness like when you were with me, but if you think again why'd you let me go and try to find another which takes time and uncertainty if you can actually be happy with?

so with all my honesty, loyalty, patience, understands, and care i'm worth to fight for, and it isn't my turn to fight for you, but now it is yours.

so this is really not about moving forward. i could be with someone new tomorrow if i wanted to, but it wouldn't be right to lie to myself.

this thing doesn't mean to confuse you or whatever. this is just what i have in mind. and notice: if you keep letting someone go in your life, by the end of the day you will end up alone. and i don't want you to be alone, i wish to be the one who could take care of you but maybe there is another person who is sincere enough to do that.

one thing for sure, i appreciate that you gave me a real happiness like i never had before. as i mentioned in the previous post, i will always be the one who care the most to you everytime you need me.

small letter

I'll do whatever that you want me to do, even though to leave you alone there and let you find another person because I love you so much.

If you think you can be happy with someone over there then i'll just have to support your decision. But the question is "will you really find someone that can actually makes you happy and loves you no matter what?" I somehow doubt that.

I will always be here, be someone that care to you and understand you the most. I will be the same person that you know me, like when we were together in bed. Be as good to you as before.

I shouldn't be the one who cried myself out here, because I know that you are the one who needs a person like me in your life.

I'll give you a space for yourself to exactly feel about your decision, but I also will open my heart for you if one day you want to come back to me for real. BUT when that time comes, I am not gonna let the same person break my heart twice so if you realize that only me who is right to stand beside you, please be sincere.

You can't never compare what I've been through to yours.

This letter is to show how much I love you in my life.

With Love,

Little Dream

maaf

maafkan aku karena terlalu mencintaimu

maafkan aku karena terlalu sayang padamu

maafkan aku karena aku ingin menjagamu

semoga kamu mengerti betapa sakitnya hati ini ketika aku tak mendengarmu mengatakan: "aku cinta kamu" lagi

chaiyo!

I realized something, the thing that was keeping me down these few days isn't entirely about jobs, but also I MISS MY LOVE SO MUCH that's why i sometimes cry alone because i can't express it to the people at home and i can only keep it within myself.

BUT

I have words that i will use to motivate myself:

"even though i miss u like crazy, i still have u in my life and i should be grateful for that"

I hope that sentence can be a way for me to feel happy and better soon.

I love you dear

one day i'm gonna say this to the person that i love eternally

:(

these few days, i've been down, so down that i don't know what to say and what to think anymore..

i feel like nobody understand me, i have want and need but i can't even say it all i can do is just keeping it inside, until at this point i can't take it no more..

why do i have to feel this again, i should have known from the beginning if i be here i will have this feeling again.

i was so happy to be back home before but now i am not even sure that home is the right place for me..


i need you and i love you sayangku, being with u is all i need cause when i'm with you, i feel great and happy..

meanial job!

i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo gonna quit this job! i don't feel it at all and yet my boss act like shit!

share, no?

Everyone is different, we have different personalities, different problems, different solutions in solving those problems, to sum up everybody have different kind of life.

It amazes me that someone that comes into your life could make you happier than ever or in other case could make your life very miserable but gladly this one doesn't happen to me.

Not everything I can't handle well, I tend to be numb in some situations that might come along but I can't never pretend (well maybe I am just too honest to myself :p).

Right now I can't define myself as numb because apparently I am not because of all the reactions that I made "unintentionally" and I think only me who can make it better even though some people know about my situation it won't matters until I act on this.

But

I do not harm anyone on this, only myself so every kind of emotions that I feel now, I share with my empty room and I decided to write it on this blog (for trying to make me feel better that I can speak like this in this moment :D).

I can't say that I am unhappy at the moment because I had the amazing holiday in the past 2 weeks, but I also do not dare to say that I am happy either. So what can I say is just I am not the luckiest guy on earth but I am lucky to have something that people can't see.

Sometimes I feel like I want to share things with people but maybe better not to, because I will get nothing rather than a "vocal applause" for several minutes, so really at the end only you who can celebrate it with your own self.

Oh today I wrote a note in facebook, I didn't know why I wrote that note for either but maybe for some people to wake up and realize something about love and trust in a relationship. Well I will share it in here too if you guys are not in my friend lists in facebook so you can read, here it goes:

"I realized that the concept of giving your credentials (ex: username and password) to your partner is stupid! that is your business and your privacy, why can't just let it be!

Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you MUST give such things to your partner! the concept of trust is not about giving your accounts credentials to your partner..challenge them with responsibility of keeping the trust by all means and if he/she loves you i am sure they can be responsible for it without having to give them such silly things. I am sure giving the credentials to your partner can't keep them from cheating on you! sometimes people are just stupid, they think their partner can't create another account with different name and password?!

Love is about trust and responsibility on how you committed to your partner! it is as simple as that.
there are still many good people who can keep the trust and keep the love sane!"

That was just one opinion from me, it is fine if the person share it with his gf his credentials with his own will but not when his gf ask him personally to do that or simply means "no pushing" each other to have credentials one another just to access their partner accounts.


I actually do not know what I just wrote here for but who cares, this is my own blog and I am free to write anything.

make it stop!

"when everyone needs medicine to heal physical pain, i need it to heal the pain inside my soul"

- long lost child-

go with it

Don't know where I am going, I don't have the answer but I don't want to regret it either..maybe I should just accept the fact => this is the best for me besides it is true what my friend told me today that I chose it here so I have to take all the risk with me and be responsible with it even though it is too DAMN hard uffff!!!

I'll be well soon, I will be...even though I won't, I just have to pass this even by pretending I enjoy it here at least until it's done.


EMBRACE THE MOMENT AND BE GRATEFUL THAT I HAVE THIS OPPORTUNITY!!!

worthless

I feel like shit when friday comes knowing that I won't be able to go to the Mosque here!!!!:( :(

my happiness

nothing could make me happier but being with the person that I love.

And yes, it is you...

Tolol

Osamah bin Laden memang sudah meninggal dunia, dan saya sangat2 sedih mendengarnya, memang dia telah membunuh banyak orang tapi kita lihat dulu, siapa yang dia bunuh sebenarnya???? seluruh masyarakat A.S merayakannya dengan meriah atas meninggalnya Osamah padahal belum tahukah mereka siapa diri mereka sendiri?? siapaaa?????

Ada statement yang saya suka ketika membaca msn news ini dia:

"Bahkan bila dijumlah, korban yang dianggap sebagai akibat dari tindakan Osama, belum sebanding dengan korban agresi tentara Amerika Serikat dan sekutunya. Berapa orang ditewaskan tentara AS di Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya? Lalu berapa pula korban tindakan Israel di Palestina yang didukung AS? Amerika Serikat harusnya mawas diri mengapa banyak dimusuhi," kata Sekretaris Jenderal DPP Partai Bulan Bintang (PBB) BM Wibowo.


how many people have been killed by U.S.A and its alies??? how many people have been killed by Israel? how manyyyy????? compared to what Osama did its really nothing to what they did.

just because they have been killed by you, so is it ok not to make a big deal out of it?! LOSERS!!!!!

GO AHEAD, celebrate it LOSERS!

Apparently Malaysia is not as good as Indonesia

Hello bloggers,

This time i really need to complain about the living situation in Malaysia because it really pisses me off lately.

As a start here the transportation is more modern than in Indonesia but it sucks, there are districts which can't be access by public transportation and this is unbelievable, they build condominiums and apartments but people MUST have car in order to be able to live there because apparently the government is not thinking about people who do not have their own transportation!!

In Indonesia even though the public transportation is not modern but to go anywhere there or to live anywhere won't be a problem because you can find them everywhere.

The second one is the location of the mosque are far with each others, it is claimed to be a muslim countries but i think in this case Indonesia is more islamic countries compare to malaysia, there for muslim people is so easy to go and find the mosque for pray especially for friday prayer where muslims must go to mosques for prayer.

I am a victim of this, now is friday and i am stuck at the office couldn't go to mosque for pray mainly because the location of the mosque is far and need a lot of time to go and come back to the office.

It was fine when i was a student here to live in this country because i stay inside the university but now when i stay outside i find to live here as a worker is really difficult.

I aimed to work here so much where my family wants me back home, now when i got this i think this is not the best option that i chose

I am sorry for complaining but I hope somebody who works at the minister of transporation read this and fix this as soon as possible.

I know

now I know the thing that keeping me down these days which is: BEING ALONE

It has been bothering my days knowing that I am going to start a real life ALONE and facing the change ALONE.

I am afraid, I am nervous, will I be able to stand up ALONE?

Everytime I am apart from people that I know and I love, it scares me yet It hurts me too..

I just hope again I can face what is ahead of me without being depressed.

recovery

Recover from something takes time..

I am feeling down and I hope time will heals me soon

BUT

I am so happy that I am with you


LU!

Full-Feeling or Fool-Feeling ?!

I am the kind of guy who is bad in hiding my feeling, people usually notice when i think about something...

Well i am good at pretending but NOT at hiding.

What i am trying to learn is about separation, i know in life there will be time to come and also time to go BUT everytime i have to deal to be apart from the people that i love i can't handle it well such as crying (damn it should i be ashamed of this???!)

Separation have come many times in my life, here they are:

1. When my grandma went for hajj to Mecca, I was crying (I was still a kid aged < 10).
2. When my mom left me to Abu Dhabi, i was still a kid at that moment says aged 10, was crying a lot.
3. When i graduated from Junior High School, had to be separated from my closest friends also cried but when i arrived at home.
4. When my uncle left me to Abu Dhabi, i was damn crying as well since we were very close each other says aged 13.
5. When my grandpa passed away (of course this is the normal occasion for people to cry).
6. When i graduated from Senior High School at the Graduation ceremony on the stage(my friend started to cry first then most of us crying when we were singing "Sayonara").
7. When i left to Malaysia for the first time to study there made me cry (realized that i will be far away from home).
8. When my best friend in college left me because he has finished his study and at that time some friends also left so it made me feel lonely so i cried.
9. When i left my friend in college because i am done with my study in college (tears at the airport).
10. When you come and leave of course (everytime).
11. When i am done with my master degree just feeling awfully sad (graduation ceremony not yet though).
12. I think it will happen soon.......




Well I hope these things doesn't make me less a man, since you know crying for guys is stereotyped as less manly or what the hell the name is.

I am just a guy who is bad when it comes into separation realizing that i will be lonely again and i hate to be lonely or feeling alone!

u r not alone

just had a conversation about love thing with my cousin's gf...

basically she's so much loving him even though something had happened and she still trusted him

we are not so different my friend, i am so much loving someone too and i know how it feels, sometimes it hurts but u can't let ur feeling go away

we have something in common

wish you well

Picos de Europa, Spain

These are pictures on our trip to Picos de Europa (Europe Peaks) 20/02/2011

It began with the tele cabin (cable car) to go up to the mountain



These are pictures from the mountains










Panorama view in Cantabrica



In Asturias with Picos de Europa behind and beautiful lake (unfortunately it was raining when we took this picture and cloudy)





The Sanctuary in Asturias, the legend said that Mary once appeared here


I've never had this kind of experience before, it was awesome many thanks to my friend Ricardo who took me there I really had a great time.

Irritating question

Why do people ask questions that they could actually ask to the person themselves instead of me???!!! It started bothering me, really...

I don't know how are they doing or so just because i know them personally, so i am not the right person for you to give such question like this:

xxx: hey, how's your cousin doing?
me: good i guees, i don't know i am not with him

which in mind i wanted to say: Oh God, how the hell am i supposed to know??? can u ask by urself??!!! We are related but if u r interested to know how is he doing just ask by urself!!! And you have his FACEBOOK for God's sake!! post in his wall or do something about it!!!

then he went offline

I am sorry if u don't like the way i answered your question but don't chat with me if only you wanted to know about how my cousin is doing when you already know that i am not in my hometown at the moment.

Burgos, Spain

Another province in Spain is Burgos, it is not a part of the Basque Country already. Mostly the tourist spots here are cathedral and church and here are some of them, enjoy!

San Sebastian, Spain

Located in the north of Spain and included to the region of Basque Country, here are some pics that I would love to share with you bloggers.

Trip to PARIS

Some pictures from my holiday in Paris (10/01/2011-13-01-2011)